A Bag of Derk's Hair [Includes Chest & Pubes] - BARGAIN DEAL
100 100000 $100.00
THAT'S RIGHT! You read it correctly! Congratulations on the opportunity of the century. We at Jerkbeats DARE you to act quickly and STEAL this AWESOME gift of a LIFETIME! The BEST purchase of your WHOLE life includes: One plastic bag of Derk's hair, which has been rumored by someone probably that, years ago, such an item was listed at a Sotheby's auction and fetched almost 1oo to 2oo HUNDRED quarter-yen in 1997. Order today, and we'll give you 2 bags of Derk's DNA for the one time offer of TRIPLE the price! That's right you fuckers... These are NOT sold in regular stores, on TV, or by your weed guy and most likely not even through THIS fucking online store! You see, Derk Jickface is in DEEP TROUBLE. Jobless, penniless, and utterly ridiculous, he has no food, no auto insurance, no heat blowing in his car and even his mother fucking speedometer only works once in a while. Soon he will be homeless and might possibly live in your car, garage, or even be forced to steal your IDENTITY! NO ONE KNOWS, what this dickhead JERK is capable of when treated like a fucking pathetic, child like, half man! One would think he would sell his Transformers, Go Bots, GI Joes, & original Star Wars figures before raping his skin of protection and warmth. (skin on head is exempt) But, as the President always says, "that's what you get for thinking!" DO NOT sit by and watch this opportunity to give Derk Jickface as much money as you can. Since none of you seem to buy his fucking music, look DEEP past your OWN chest cavity and way down to your heart and even thru to your genitals if that's what it takes for you to support this maniac and his never satiated appetite for AWESOME POWER. Add this product to your CART while you still can!
Batteries not included. Not suitable for children or adults. May cause itching. No returns. No head hair. No yet endorsed by the FDA as an alternative method of salad dressing. Patent. Pending. COMING SOON: Derk Jickface's OWN USED TOILET PAPER with FREE SHIT SHMEARS!